2006 was the year my life slipped out from under me.
I was 36 and I had been a member of the mormon church for my whole life. EVERY single decision I made in my life was built around all the the beliefs, teachings and culture of the church. Everything.
The time came when I could no longer ignore the constant nagging and feelings. I needed to do something. Either just keep living the mormon way and not think about it or start down the path that could help me make up my mind about the church. One way or another I was going to figure it out.
I was taught that the church was true and nothing would prove otherwise. Right?
Let the studying commence. The deep dive off the high dive into all things mormon began.
It was April of 2006, and I finally gave myself permission to follow that little voice inside of me that was screaming at me for years, telling me something isn’t right about the mormon church.
I was scared as hell. But, I was willing to go wherever this would lead me. I was an adult. I was smart. I was ready.
It is scary to begin this road because we have been taught not to read “Anti-Mormon Literature.”
What I learned, through endless study and research, was that anti mormon literature was actually just the actual history of the church.
I had opened pandoras box.
I poured myself into reading and studying mormon history.
I could not believe what I was discovering.
I remember one day laying on my front room floor wishing the earth would swallow me up. It would be so much easier than walking this path of confusion. I knew that life would never be the same again.
I was so scared.
How was I going to talk to my husband? My family? My friends?
How was I going to raise my kids?
How was I going to navigate this new path that I knew nothing about, without the religious construct I had been raised in?
How was this all going to work? Who could I talk to about this? It felt so taboo. I knew no one who was going through this.
I was becoming the person people would talk about in Sunday School and Relief Society lessons. An apostate.
Somehow I stumbled along and found my way. But it was really really hard. My life profoundly changed. Everything.
I now look at my faith crisis as the best thing that has ever happened to me. I can honestly say that I am so thankful it happened.
It is now my life’s work to help other’s navigate this path. I have since become a certified life coach and I know that the tools in my tool box (so to speak) will help you, not only in this faith crisis you find yourself in, but in all areas in your life.
This space you are in now, feeling fear, depression, anger and sadness, does not have to be your life.
You can be happier than you have ever been.
You are not alone.
I would love to walk with you.