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My Mormon Faith Crisis Story...

My Mormon Faith Crisis Story

Once upon a time...

I was born into a mormon family.

Mormonism was just the way of life.

All was well.

I was on the path, doing all that I was supposed to do.

Checking all the boxes.

I was living and loving it.

Shelving any and all issues that I wondered about.

Until one day those questions & doubts became too many.

I had to figure this puzzle out.

If the church was true, it would all be okay.

I finally gave myself permission to look into things.

I hungered and thirst after the truth.

The usual, "it will all work itself out" was no longer cutting it.

I read book after book after book.

I secretly joined forums and online groups.

I discovered a world of people who were wondering and searching too.

Just. Like. Me.

My shelf came crashing down.

All of it. Fast.

Now what?

I looked around at my life.

Most all of my friends and family are members.

Who do I talk to?

Who do I tell?

I just became one of those apostates you hear talked about at church.

But I am a good person.

I did nothing wrong.

I actually wanted to prove the church was true.

The realization is overwhelming.

I feel alone.

I feel different.

I wish I could take the blue pill and just go back to how it was.

Maybe ignorance is bliss?

How am I going to tell my spouse?

How am I going to tell my mom?

How am I going to tell my kids?

How am I going to tell my best friend?

That I don't believe, any of it.

I poured myself (not so secretly) into online groups and forums full of people like me,

All searching.

All trying to make this all make sense.

I get angry.

I feel betrayed.

I made ALL of my life decisions around the one true church.

I free fall for a bit.

I try to keep it it, until I can't.

I start thinking for myself.

Truly for the fist time in my life I see there are a million different ways to live life, not just one TRUE way.

I get the courage to say something.

My family and friends tell me I am wrong and that I will be back.

They don't believe me.

I feel marginalized.

I feel sad and depressed.

But, I know no matter the outcome I have to keep walking this path.

No matter what.

I may lose relationships.

I learn some relationships were conditional.

Some people walk away.

I walk away.

I know that I am finding a new way to be.

It is hard.

But I am strong.

I keep going.

I am finding my new voice.

I feel a freedom I have never felt before.

I find an inner strength I didn't know I had.

I create new friendships.

I find a way to make my new life work.

Come what may.

I've stepped into the new me and I am thankful, truly grateful for my faith crisis.

My new voice is emerging and I feel good in my own skin.

I feel like I am going to be okay better than okay.

Life is good, even if it is messy.

Amy

*not to be reproduced or used without permission by me.

Anatomy of a Faith Crisis, My Mormon ExMormon Story

You may secretly being going through you own faith crisis, dealing with all things mormon, lds, exmormon. Yeah?

Well then, this one is for you.

I hope you hear your story in my story.

I hope you know you are not alone.

I hope you how this experience you are going through is hard, but you are strong.

I hope you know that you will rise.

I hope you know that your life will be better because of what you are going through.

I hope you know that you are loved.

It would mean the world to me if you could watch this short film, click the like button, click the subscribe button and leave a comment, on my YouTube channel.

I know this is a big ask in today's social media fast past world, but I could use your help with this one.

By doing these simple things it helps my film be seen by more people. 

It has always been my goal to help others not feel so alone during their faith crisis. I know this will help.

Thank you. So. Very. Much.

With no further ado, I present...

Anatomy of a Faith Crisis. 
a story by Amy Logan and a film by James Rhodimer.

Amy xoxo

Doing the work of a Faith Crisis.

What you are experiencing, your faith crisis, can be one of the hardest things you will go through in life.

I know this may seem extreme to your friends and family members who have not experienced this, but is is most likely what you are feeling.

This is your journey. 

You are feeling the real and raw effects of a major paradigm shift. 

Doing the work of a faith crisis involves creating new neural pathways in the brain.

Besides hurting your heart, it literally hurts your thinking too.

Amy 

amyloganlife@gmail.com

Why People Leave the Mormon Church ~ Faith Crisis Issues

 If you have experienced a Mormon Faith Crisis, you may have been asked the reason why you left the church. You may have not. 

Oddly enough, many family members and friends do not ask because it is easier to make up a reason, right?

Maybe they don't want to have their bubble burst about the church they love.

I guess that is fair.

But, I thought I would put together a video mentioning some of the reasons many of us leave.

Feel free to give me your reason(s) in the comments.

This list is by no means a comprehensive.

For most of us this is a very complicated issue.

This is a broad view of the many many reasons we come across when we start digging into church history/culture and start thinking beyond the correlated information we have been taught growing up in the church.

Please watch till the end, I have a special message for you.

You got this.

Amy

amyloganlife@gmail.com

My Faith Crisis & My Why

You Are Amazing! Soar My Dear.

 

Post Mormon. Exmormon. Ex religious. Life After Religion. Faith Crisis. Yes? I get it.

When I was hit upside the head with own personal faith crisis, I felt so alone.

I didn't know who I could talk to about my doubts. I was scared.

I started with my bishop and he told me that the doubts I was having were from satan. I left his office feeling even more boggled than when I walked in.

Satan? Really? Ugg. 

Yeah, this was not going to end well.

At this point, it was probably 2003/4 and I hadn't even started my deep dive into mormon history at this point, I just had "doubts."

2006 is when I jumped off the high dive, ALL IN.

There was no CES Letter at the time. I just started reading everything and anything I could get my hands on. I was on a mission to learn all I could about the church. I mean, it was true and so nothing that I read could really prove otherwise.

LOLOLOLOL (insert the BIGGEST eye roll here)

Yeah, you know what I mean.

I remember feeling more alone than I ever had before. I felt like an alien in my own home, my church, family, extended family, and with my friends.

I felt like people dismissed me, brushed off my thoughts and feelings and didn't take me as seriously. I felt marginalized when I did bring up what I was discovering and I would be told to pray harder, obey more, just have faith, and all these questions would be answered in the next life. yada yada yada.

No, that was NOT going to cut it.

I wanted to be taken seriously. I was being serious and my questions could not be answered.

No, I didn't want to go sin and drink and have sex and be wild. I was perfecting fine keeping all the commandments, covenants, life choices I made, all that I had been taught, if it was true. I was on a truth hunting mission. I wanted to know if the church was true. I was way beyond needing to read my scriptures more, pray more, have more faith. I had done that for 36 years.

Does this all sound familiar?

The whole reason I do what I do is that you know you are not alone.

I have walked this road, I felt all the pain. I know it is real and I will never marginalize you, make you feel crazy or dismiss anything you are feeling as you walk this path.

You are opening a door to the unknown and walking through it EVEN THO you are scared as hell.

You are not alone.

You are not crazy.

You ARE smart.

You ARE brave.

You ARE beyond amazing.

I am thankful our paths have crossed. When we meet, I know that we understand each other. 

I love when you ask if I am Soul Searching Girl (a reference to my early youtube videos.) We immediately understand each other. Our connection is real. We "get" each other.

I know you straight away and I love you.

Stand tall my dear. You have done nothing wrong. You have nothing to be ashamed of. You are following your own intuition. You are trusting yourself. You are one of the bravest people I know.

Thank you for showing up in my life.

Together, we got this.

I can't wait to walk this journey with you. Guide you for a few steps along the way.

I am always here.

Amy 

amyloganlife@gmail.com

Your Future Self & Your Faith Crisis

Your Future Self & Your Faith Crisis

 

You have been at this faith crisis thing for awhile now. You have learned so many things, about yourself, about the church and religion at large.

You have wept many tears.

You have changed your world view.

You have gained a new beautiful inner strength. (even if you don't feel it all the time)

You have leaned into your new voice.

You are becoming your most authentic self.

It is suddenly a year from today, November 10th, 2019.

What would you say to to your future self? 

What advice would you give her? What would you say to the you of today?

What would a person who has already figured how to navigate this path you are on right now, tell you to do? 

Write it down. Talk to yourself in real time. What would you tell her?

Now, really, do this. Not in your head. Open up your journal, or a new blank file on your computer and write it all out. Get it out so you can see it. 

Then, tell me about it. What came up for you? I would love to hear it.

Amy

amyloganlife@gmail.com

 

Ready To Not Be So Triggered? Triggers & Your Faith Crisis

Triggers.

Seems like everyone is triggered these days. Yeah?

You will most likely get to a point, along your faith crisis journey, where you are tired of being triggered all the time.

This is where your faith crisis transitions over to whatever you want it to be, sans the crisis part.

I work with my clients on this very topic. It is common. Just like anything else in life, we have to find ways to move forward, so we are not feeling triggered all the time.

This is very freeing!

When you are ready, shoot me an email and we can work together.

amyloganlife@gmail.com

More soon!

Amy xo

Continued ~ Would You Change It? Your Faith Crisis?

Red Pill Blue Pill Faith Crisis

Yesterday I asked you a couple questions.

Is Ignorance bliss? Would you change your religious/spiritual faith crisis, awakening?

I imagine this stirs up a lot for you? So many emotions, thoughts and feelings have come up for you over the course of your paradigm shift.

What is your gut response? Yes. No. It is different for many.

Life has change, yes? We know this for sure.

I want you to really think about this. Would you change your paradigm shift? Meaning, would you go back to before?

I think of it like one of those visual images from the 90s. remember those? You would stare at the image and let your eyes focus until you could see the image within the image. For the most part, once you saw it, you could always see it. Hard to unsee it, right?

Learning what you have about the truthiness of the church, is hard to unsee.

Would go back if you could? Back to the ignorance is bliss question. Back to living your life oblivious to the actual truthfulness of the church.

Red pill, blue pill. {{{If you have not seen The Matrix, stop and watch. I will wait.}}}

I know this is all hypothetical. We can't go back. But what I want you to think about is, you get to decide how to look at what you have been through. Yes, there are stages to this process, but eventually, you get to decide how to be a person who has walked through this door of a faith transition.

How do you show up in the world now, with all that you do know? I bet you are more skeptical? More questioning, of just about everything? I know I am.

Do you let this be a part of you that gives you more perspective to life? Do you harbor resentment for the rest of your life? Can you possibly see the beauty in this process? Seeing the beauty may take a while for you to get to, but even that is possible.

I want you to write down all your thoughts about the church. The good. The bad. The ugly. Let it all flow out of you. Get it down on paper. Look at it. Feel it. Can you separate the thoughts from facts? See the thoughts you have created around the story of what a faith crisis is for you? Vs. What is true.

What do you make it all mean? Is ignorance really bliss? Having your eyes opened to reality, may be jarring at first, but would you want it any other way? 

Again, would you change this experience? If not, how do you choose to look at it?

You got this. 

Amy 

amyloganlife@gmail.com

Your Awakening & Puzzle

Puzzle, the movie & Faith Crisis

I have homework for you. Go see Puzzle.

{{{Yes, once a teacher, always a teacher.}}} 

If you have gone through a faith crisis, going through one now or even a bit of a life crisis, please go see the movie Puzzle, with Kelly MacDonald, Iffran Khan, David Denman

You will relate to the main character, Agnes. She has spent her entire life caring for others and living a very quiet life. I think she would even say, very sheltered, bubble like.

She experiences a beautiful awakening, very similar to a faith crisis, transition.

I want you to see this movie through the lens of your experiences.

You will relate to all the feelings Agnes goes through as she realizes there is more to her, her life, and this great big beautiful world.

There is so much more I could say about this movie but I want you to draw your own conclusions. I don't even like to read reviews before I see a movie that I am interested in. I love forming my own opinions before I am influenced by others.

I want you to see her thought process. You will see her experience a range of emotions and feelings that will bust you right open. Watch her thought process with curiosity. 

I know what you have gone through with your own faith crisis, how tender your heart is and therefore you will completely want to talk with Agnes. 

You will not hear my saying this often, because I do not make a practice of telling others what to do, but take my advice, go see this movie. I know it will speak to your soul in a beautiful way.

Much love my dear,

Amy

amyloganlife@gmail.com

Can You Let Yourself Be A Beginner?

Faith Crisis Beginner

Let's talk about being a beginner and your faith crisis.

No matter the faith: Mormon, Evangelical, Jehovah's Witness, Seventh-Day Adventist and on and on and on. It feels the same. Heartache first. Freedom second. (or tenth?)

I want you to think for a moment about when you were younger and you got your first job, had your first broken heart, started college, got married, became a parent for the first time. All beginnings, yeah? Firsts.

Your faith crisis is no different.

You are in uncharted territory.

Everything is new.

Everything feels scary.

Everything has changed.

You are in the beginning steps of a faith crisis. This is like walking into a foreign country and you know no one and you do not speak the language and you feel scared. Eventually you will figure it out, but until then, yikes. 

Let yourself be a beginner. There is really no way to not be beginner right now, right?

You will need to feel all the emotions that come with this process.

Know that you will not always be a beginner in this particular arena. It may be hard to imagine, but it is true.

When you see people taking about the different stages of a faith crisis, ( I will post more about this later )  just know more is coming and you do not have to have it all figured out right now. You will experience your faith crisis in perfect time.

Don't try to rush it. Let it unfold as it needs to.

All you have to do right now is be in it. You do not have to have the answers. You will come to your own conclusion in your own time.

There is a lot to learn in this phase of your faith crisis. There are no short cuts.

I look at those of us in this position as pioneers. We are paving the way for those coming up behind us and there will be many.

You are one of the brave souls doing the unexpected work of a faith crisis. There is no one way to get through it. Just keep swimming.

You got this.

Amy

I can help you through it when you are ready. Only you know that. It may even be before you are ready or after you have been at this for awhile.

Either way, I am here, to guide you through this journey. Questions?amyloganlife@gmail.com

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